Most Vulnerable Post To Date

I was going through some old photos on my computer, and came across this video.  You see when I was 22 years old, I was struggling with my self image. I was depressed and felt helpless. To the point that I created a video entry for The Biggest Loser. I am not going to lie it is a rather long video (10minutes) . I open up about my life, family and relationships. You see old pictures and how heavy I was.. then. What is shocking is I let myself get even larger than that after that video.

I watched this video and couldn't hold back my emotions.  I was so depressed, workout illiterate and so close minded to other options. I thought what I needed was a tv show to help me.  Now I realize I needed to know that I could do it.  I needed something to aspire for. I needed to believe and inspire myself, before I could do anything, let alone try inspire others.

I cannot deny my reluctance to posting this video, I look and act ridiculous. I was trying way to hard to get on this show. I didn't see that then, but I see that now.  I also see a girl that was struggling with self esteem, confidence and had only been put down by so many people. I show this to you not for you to laugh ( except at the stupid funny parts) but to show you that it is inside of you.  You have what you need to succeed. I had that desire 4 years ago. I just didn't realize it till recently. I urge you to do some true soul searching. Whether you are longing for weight loss, love, confidence, children, or what have you.  If there is even a morsel of desire that you can bring to the surface, I guarantee there is more inside of you that you can pull out to show you can succeed now.  Don't wait as long as I did to discover this. Change your life now.

Overdue post !! =)

Hey guys! I know it has been awhile since I have written on here. Things have been a little crazy in my life, which I have had to zero in on the things to focus on. One of which is continuously eating healthy and working out; so the blog got put on the side.  I figured it made more sense to workout then write about working out.

In the past month I have been dealing with finding a full time job, family stuff, planning something special for someone special, fathers day/wedding celebration, oh yeah my sister and her three (3) beautiful little girls moved in temporarily with Kevin and me.  The latter one has made my journey much harder than I could have imagined. My sister is a single mother, of a 9, 5 1/2 and 3 yr old girls. So as you can imagine there is a lot of "junk" food in my house. From doughnuts to cereal to cake. I try to make healthy dinners for everyone, but that doesn't always happen.  Not every journey can be as easy, and I wouldn't trade them staying with us for anything. The memories we are making are all the sweetness I need [cheesy i know!].

I'd be lying if I told you the only reason I haven't written anything is because of life being busy. I am terrified that something I may write will be analyzed, criticized and most importantly taken out of context. Due to recent history I have all the right to fear that. This is all I am going to say about this, and then I will move on to me and whats truly important, a healthy lifestyle.  I write on here to vent my feelings, fears, successes, and my journey. I do not write them on facebook to be openly public announcements, I do however post the link to the blog on facebook so that those that care about me and my journey can follow me.  If you do not care about me, my journey, my feelings or anything to do with my life and are just reading this to be nosy, shame on you.  You can not blame me for writing my feelings down in my blog, and you taking them out of context and manipulating them to say what you think they say or mean. So I ask you nicely now, to click that little X in the top right corner, and please leave me page.  This page is about me... not you.

Workouts are going well, I am getting to the point where I am increasing my weights. Which feels great! I pushing myself harder on the Arc Trainer at Planet Fitness, and can definitely feel the difference.. I am covered in sweat by the end of my 30 minute workout.

Oh yeah! At the wedding I had chicken with some mushroom sauce (didnt eat much of the sauce and none of the mushrooms .. yuck!) but I did enjoy the green beans! I ate all my green beans! So I enjoy them in a steam formed, just not the form they were in at Texas Roadhouse!


I am officially in a size 12! I started this journey as a size 16... some things were a size 18... I can def feel the difference, and I think I have dropped from a 38 bra to a 36. It is pretty loose around my bra band =)  Check out my videos, I tried 5 new foods, to make up for the last couple of weeks, and check out my updated pictures of before and now ( as of 6/6)

Thanks for following me and my journey. I encourage you to leave comments on suggestions for life, food, workouts, things to help the girls eat healthier without them knowing! I enjoy reading the comments. I know a ton of people read this, I see the stats! 

One Month Down!

My posts have been scarce lately, with many reasons. My workout schedule got all sorts of messed up when I lost my day time job.  So most of my days are spent sitting on my computer and going out to find a new one. This is just another obstacle in my new weight loss journey.  With this being the one month mark (well Friday) since I started my new lifestyle, I am excited to announce my results thus far!

At the beginning of this journey I weighed in at 215, and as of yesterday I am happy to report that I weighed in at 200lbs! I have lost 15lbs in the first month.  It wasn't easy, and the rest won't be easy.  I am still reaping the pain from friday's leg day. On Friday the trainer at Planet Fitness, Shannon, pushed me as hard as I could go.  Overhead lunges with 25lbs of weight, squats and so many more workouts. I couldn't be happier with the choice to join Planet Fitness. Having been a member in Golds Gym, and visited/heard about others.  I am glad I didn't just give up on the gym route. I encourage you, that if you haven't found the gym for you yet, keep looking.

With every new journey there is someone that wants to bring you down.  Things start looking up, and they see that happiness, and they want to destroy it. My journey hasn't been easy. This past week has been full of stressful situations, depression and despair. Over a month ago in a situation like this I would have indulged myself in cake, cookies, bacon cheese fries and so many other bad foods that taste oh soo good at the time.  This time I went to the gym, spent a hour and a half, pushed myself farther than I thought I could, and surrounded myself with my true friends and loved ones. The words spoken by those trying to destroy me and everything I have worked for, still hurt. They still pushed my buttons, but self control and perseverance helped me make it through the day.   I am trying to repair the damage I caused to the best of my ability. But there will come a point where I can't repair what needs repaired.  That is something that I needed to learn.  It isn't my responsibility to repair everything, but only the things that I have control over.  I want to thank everyone that helped me through these situations this past weekend, you know who you are. I love you guys and am thankful to have you in my life everyday.

Ok so, here are the videos of the two new foods I tried! Since I failed to have a video last week, I did two this week. Enjoy!

Don't forget to suggest a new food for me, for next weeks new food! I have had a few things suggested, but will have to wait till I have the opportunity to try it.  If you have something simple to purchase, cook, or try please suggest it!

Thank you for continuing to support me in this journey.

The week of Mothers Day

One post this week. Sorry about that. It has been a very busy week for me. Let's start with the beginning of the week, Monday.  Everyone loves Monday mornings, right? Mine seemed just like any other day.  Got up,  went to work, went to the gym, then headed to my night time job at David's Bridal.  Was there not long, and ended up going home sick.
   Tuesday was spent on the couch all day. Watching tv and vegging out.  It was horrible. I felt to lazy but I know that I was sick and I wouldn't have been able to do anything.  Thing I hated most about being sick wasn't missing work, or lack of appetite, it was the not being able to get my workout in.
    Wednesday was a slow drift back into the normal routine. Went to work in the morning, then to the gym.  Ab day with Shannon, told her to kill me, and well she did. Did my first ever planks. Along with many other exercises that were a struggle at first. But it due time I will have them down!
   Thursday was zumba with my friend Christine. I love zumba! It is my new found love, and I encourage everyone to try it out.  It is definitely a workout, works all muscles, but its worth it.
 
   Now for the struggles of the week! Friday my husband and I celebrated 4 years of marriage! We went to dinner, at my friends restaurant, where he offered free appetizers and dessert.  Well, most of the appetizers are fried and well dessert is well dessert.  So I ended up having a piece of mint chocolate chip ice cream flavored gum for dessert, 5 calories, yum! Then we went to Iron Man 3.  Now my old tradition when going to the movies was the movie lovers combo, large refillable popcorn and large refillable soda.  Of which, we often used the refillable offer.  I took a water bottle with me, and my hubby took some soda for him and snacks. Don't get me wrong, I craved popcorn the entire movie, but it was nice not having to worry about holding it and etc. And I didn't feel so gross after, I would load the popcorn with so much butter and salt.

   Saturday I had a baby shower to attend. Now the baby shower was not just hard because of the food, but because of the baby part.  My struggle is not just with food but with baby stuff. As you know from following my blog, that I want a family so bad.  But I struggle with infertility. Which makes trying to conceive  very difficulty.  If you haven't read the other posts, check them out.  But my childhood friend is having her first child, and I was invited to the baby shower.  I tried sloppy joe, but that isn't my new food of the week. They had cupcakes and cake... they looked so delicious. But I maintained my will power, and did not eat anything. This baby shower wasn't as bad as some others have been over the last few years. They had some really cute games, like personalized onesies that the mommy to be judges and picks the favorite.

Today is the hardest day. Not because of foods.  But it is Mother's Day.  The day when women get recognized for being mothers. And well, I am not one. I am at the age that all my friends are new mommies or recently found out they are going to be mommies, so facebook is overloaded with pictures and posts about it. I get to spend time with my in-laws and some of them are so supportive.  My father in law, step mother in law, and the kids got me this beautiful card about hanging in there and I am strong and has a bookmark on it that says " Every challenge is an opportunity to discover who we are and all the we can be." I cried. some people don't understand or care to understand what I am going through.  But Kevin Sr, Brandy and Carol take the extra effort to listen, care and support... since day one. Thank you guys, I love you.  But there are others that I have come in contact with this weekend, that don't understand and just want to gloat their accomplishments in fertility and life in front of me and others.  That's where it is hard. Why can't they just be considerate? I know your a mom, I know you just had a kid, and I know this and that. But do you have to consistantly talk about it? Are you that self- centered. Its ironic. Because right now I am being that self-centered about my lack of those things in my life. But that's why I limit it to my blog.  If you are still reading, then you care what I think and how I feel.  And I thank you.  I took a run this morning, once I woke up and realized what day it was.  So to take my mind off of it, even just for a little big.  I took a jog to dallastown fire dept, and then back home.  Got home a took a long shower listening to maroon 5 on the radio. That was my treat to me. Because I deserve it. Whether I am a mom or not I deserve it.


So I tried a new food... avocado. Check out the video. Don't forget to challenge me to a new food! Need one for this week to come!

Food Challenge Week 2 & Weekly update

Since my previous entry, I have been doing a lot of , well, working out. Haha. Gym four days a week and Zumba with a cardio warm up one day of the week. I have been so proud of myself with overcoming temptations. Between chocolate covered pretzels by the hubby, to ice cream and etc.  It isn't easy. But living this life the way I have been isn't making anything else easier. I have to admit, my body hurts. But I love this pain, I love knowing that all this pain means I am doing something right. And I will have something to show for it in the long run.

My friends and I are signing up for a zombie run in September. So just another reason to continue all my working out and training. I plan on finishing it with at least one flag left on me!

Hubby told me he was proud of me yesterday. It felt so good to be recognized for all the hard work in this new lifestyle. He tempts me from time to time to test my commitment.  And I pass every time. I am still trying to get him to join the gym with me, so he can work out with our awesome trainer Shannon.

I have been taking classes with Shannon, the personal trainer at Planet Fitness.  Shes pretty cool, and explains everything and help me figure out what is best for me in my journey.

So the part of the blog that everyone is waiting for.  My father challenged me to try salmon.  I do not know if you recall or anything.  But I do not eat seafood (except shrimp, I love that!).  So since today was his birthday, we all went out for dinner.  He ordered salmon, and made me fulfill the challenge tonight at Roosevelt Tavern. See video:

I don't know if you can hear it in the video or not.  But I did like the salmon.  I did not like the fishy after taste, but from what I have been told that can be fixed with some lemon juice.  So there is another to add to the never tried and liked list. Kevin was so happy, that is him talking in the background..

Remember: challenge me to a new food. I have been challenge to try cilantro and quino. So challenge me. I am open to trying just about anything. Comment here or on facebook! Again, I will be trying at least one new food each week until I lose my desired 50lbs.

First Weekend With The New Lifestyle!

Happy Monday! Whoa did this weekend fly by quickly. I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did! However it was a very difficult weekend, with being the first one since my lifestyle change.  Friday consisted of work, then a luncheon with the girls from work at Crimson American Grill for Admin Professionals Day. Can I just say the triple chocolate cake looked so good! And I had a little pressure to get it, internally and peer.  But I overcame it! It felt so good to turn it down, to push through the urge and decline! After lunch, I went to the gym and worked on upper body. 

Saturday was a challenge. Grocery shopping was on the top of the list of things to do.  My husband has always pushed for us to grocery shop instead of my usual buying when we need it logic. But I caved in and went to D&K and Amelia's. What a change, before it would be a ton of cereal, chips, soda, and frozen fried foods purchased.  Now its fruits, vegetables, poultry, some beef and pork, low calorie snacks, and low calorie drink mixes. We spent as much as we used to spend when we did grocery shop, but weirdly we got so much more for healthy dinners/lunches and snacks! I think it is because we spent less on drinks and more on food =) After grocery shopping was a short shift at David's Bridal, which consisted of my workout... lots of walking and lifting... But what to follow was the difficult part of the day if you ask me. A couple of the girls from work were going out that night, so I suggested grabbing something to eat before so I wouldn't be tempted to eat at the bar. So I suggested Subway, well it ended up being the Subway at the Galleria.  So the tempting smells of Auntie Anne's pretzels, McDonald's fries and initially the idea of Gertrude Hawk chocolate covered strawberries ( but they closed that location!) were a killer, but no temptation given into. After we ate, we headed over to Waterway. Okay, so I saved some of my calorie intake from the day so that I could enjoy one drink that night. Did my research, and found that Mikes Hard was the lowest calorie drink and I liked.  Went to order it and..... they didn't serve that! Ended up with a diet coke and rum, in which the server tried to get me to get a pitcher of it.... yeah that didn't help.  Gotta love your friends for the peer pressure, Meaghan trying to get me to drink her pitcher, and my friends agreeing.. But I love them for that. Whether or not they know it, they taught me a lot about myself that night.  That I can have A drink, not give in and still have a hell of a time! Definitely burned off a ton of calories with all the dancing that happened that night too!

Sunday wasn't to bad. Had a great workout at David's. Two girls ended up not coming in, so on a day that should have been like 6-7 consultants, there were 4! We all made good money, lots of walking/running, lifting and had a great day!

I would have to say this first weekend was a success. I am hoping that now that I can accomplish the basics during the weekend, to add some additional workouts into the weekend. Thank you to all my friends, whether you know you did it or not, for pushing me and testing my commitment to this challenge! I greatly appreciate it.

**Reminder to challenge me to a new food. I will be trying a new food every week ( my week runs Wed-Tues, weird I know but that's how it happened) until I lose the 50lbs I am determined to lose!

Heres a couple pictures from our girls night out! Enjoy!

PCOS- What It Is And How To Handle It!

Step two is to recoginize the main reason for my infertility; PCOS which is short for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.

What is polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)?

Polycystic ovary syndrome (say "pah-lee-SIS-tik OH-vuh-ree SIN-drohm") is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 out of 15 women. Often the symptoms begin in the teen years. Treatment can help control the symptoms and prevent long-term problems.

What are hormones, and what happens in PCOS?

Hormones are chemical messengers that trigger many different processes, including growth and energy production. Often, the job of one hormone is to signal the release of another hormone.
For reasons that are not well understood, in PCOS the hormones get out of balance. One hormone change triggers another, which changes another. For example:

• The sex hormones get out of balance. Normally, the ovaries make a tiny amount of male sex hormones (androgens). In PCOS, they start making slightly more androgens. This may cause you to stop ovulating, get acne, and grow extra facial and body hair.
• The body may have a problem using insulin, called insulin resistance. When the body doesn't use insulin well, blood sugar levels go up. Over time, this increases your chance of getting diabetes.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms tend to be mild at first. You may have only a few symptoms or a lot of them. The most common symptoms are:

• Acne.
• Weight gain and trouble losing weight.
• Extra hair on the face and body. Often women get thicker and darker facial hair and more hair on the chest, belly, and back.
• Thinning hair on the scalp.
• Irregular periods. Often women with PCOS have fewer than nine periods a year. Some women have no periods. Others have very heavy bleeding.
• Fertility problems. Many women who have PCOS have trouble getting pregnant (infertility).
• Depression.

Most women with PCOS grow many small cysts on their ovaries. That is why it is called polycystic ovary syndrome. The cysts are not harmful but lead to hormone imbalances.

What causes PCOS?

The symptoms of PCOS are caused by changes in hormone levels. There may be one or more causes for the hormone level changes.
PCOS seems to run in families, so your chance of having it is higher if other women in your family have PCOS, irregular periods, or diabetes. PCOS can be passed down from either your mother's or father's side.

Insulin Resistance

• The body's natural response to eating is to produce a certain amount of insulin. In women with PCOS and insulin resistance, the body's response to the insulin is impaired, causing more insulin to be produced than is necessary. This raises the blood sugar, and eventually the body's cells become less receptive to insulin. This cycle, which triggers cravings for carbohydrates and food, often leads to weight gain.

Medical Treatment

• Since PCOS has no cure, treatment addresses the symptoms. Use of drugs such as Glucophage or Fortamet (metformin hcl) can sensitize the body to insulin again, which helps to regulate the insulin response. These drugs are effectively used in treatment for diabetics. Side effects of metformin can include weight loss and stomach upset. Helping regulate the body's insulin with metformin can lead to more effective fuel consumption, and the cravings for carbohydrates may subsides. 

Carbohydrates and Insulin Resistance

• A diet rich in processed foods, including refined sugar and flour, can contribute to the insulin resistance and lead to weight gain. These foods trigger an insulin response from the body. They raise the blood sugar and begin a cycle of cravings that can be difficult to escape. Eliminating foods such as processed sugars, white flour, and white rice can help regulate this response and end the cravings.

Substitutions

• Carbohydrates are a necessary part of any diet, and eliminating them entirely is difficult or impossible and may pose health risks. Substituting high fiber foods provides a necessary energy boost without causing the blood sugar to spiral uncontrollably. Whole wheat flour, brown rice and sweet potatoes can be substituted for refined and processed counterparts. The fiber in these foods help to mitigate the body's response and cause less insulin production. Focusing on these substitutions as well as increasing the intake of fruits, vegetables and lean protein can promote weight loss.

Fitness

• Part of a successful weight loss program is exercise, especially for women with PCOS. Combined with a low-carb diet, exercise helps increase lean muscle tissue and may retrain the body to burn fat more effectively, even when at rest. For women with PCOS, this is essential. Increasing activity, even in slow increments, can have an overall beneficial effect. While women with PCOS may have difficulty losing weight, the right combination of diet, exercise and medication may overcome those obstacles and lead to a healthier lifestyle

Read more: PCOS & Weight Loss | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5348796_pcos-weight-loss.html#ixzz2RUMyN3UO